VERO-fication.

Men As Dogs

2010-03-20T23:11:00.000-07:00

So here we have it- VERO-fication's Top Ten Personality Archetypes- paralleled by common canines. First of all- before anyone writes me of as a misandrist bitch- I mean this in a very interchangeable sense between the sexes- it's all just funnier with the old saying and all..

1. The Attention Whore- Poodle

Good Lord. Haven't we all seen enough of this bitch?? Truth is- every female has a snippet of the Attention Whore in her- just as every guy does with a couple females around him. It's just always annoying when it's someone else doing it.

2. The Clinger- German Shepherd

Loyal, brains and brawn- Straight wifey material.

3. The Existentialist- Basenji

Mischievous. Aloof. Narcissistic. Hot and cold. More amused by the social scene than interested in it. Definitely my type. ;)

4. The Wimp- Chihuahua

We all know this type. When someone picks a fight in the bar on this dude, expect him to "resolve" the situation with a lightning-quick, heartfelt compliment to the menace. Pussy-whipped.

5. The Clubber- Bloodhound

Out until the wee hours of the morning every Wednesday through Sunday, perpetual bloodshot eyes, usually talking quixotic gibberish or in a violent rage. Likes really lame brand-shirts. Normal relationship lasts 4.5 days. A hot mess all around.

6. The Smart Ass- Border Collie

Know-it-all, know-nothings...unfortunate diarrhea of the mouth usually making up for what they lack in other (below the belt) areas. No one likes a smart ass!!

7. The Dumb Ass- Bulldog

Worse than The Smart Ass because their physical features more often than not are a tell-tale sign of retardation before they open their mouth to prove it.

8. The Psycho- Jack Russell

More prevalent in women than in men, we've all known at least one unforgettably remarkable, crazy-ass bitch.

9. The Doormat- Golden Retriever

Walk all over him; he'll pick up your dry-cleaning, do everything from the dishes to your fan mail, and cover you with kisses as you're beating him away with the morning sports page.

10. The Possessive- Doberman

Needs constant updates of your whereabouts throughout the day- the who, what, where, when, why, how- all in thesis form. But it's slightly cute.

Death of A Literary Giant: Top 15 Best 'Catcher In the Rye' Quotes.

2010-01-28T17:16:00.000-08:00

J.D. Salinger is dead. ;( One of the few great literary geniuses still alive in 2010. No disrespect to Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Jean Simmons, and all the celebrities who have died recently, but here is the first "public figure" (though he was anything but) who's death has made my heart sink. I have yet to meet a person who did not at least respect what a great work of fiction "The Catcher in the Rye" is, if not absolutely adore it. To say it's a cult classic is to largely diminish it's value among youths. For me, "The Catcher in the Rye" is the first piece of literature that made me enjoy reading. There's a little Holden Caulfield in every teenager. I know so many of my friends and colleagues, young and old, who place this book in their top five favorite pieces of literature ever. It's probably number three on my list...

Anyways, counting down my top 15 favorite excerpts from perhaps the most quotable book of all time...(feel free to respond with your own favorites)

15. "We horsed around a little bit in the cab on the way to the theatre. At first she didn't want to, because she had her lipstick on and all, but I was being seductive as hell and she didn't have any alternative.... Then, just to show you how crazy I am, when we were coming out of this big clinch, I told her I loved her and all. It was a lie, of course, but the thing is, I meant it when I said it. I'm crazy. I swear to god I am."

14. "All morons hate it when you call them a moron."

13. "You should of heard the crowd....You would have puked.....They were the exact same morons that laugh like hyenas in the movies at stuff that isn't funny. I swear to god, if I were a piano player or an actor or something and all those dopes thought I was terrific, I'd hate it."

12. "I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and someone asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible."

11. I told him to go wash his moron face- which was a pretty childish thing to say, but I was mad as hell."

10. "That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "F*** you" right under your nose."

9. "Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like old cars. I mean they don't even interest me. I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake."

8. "I'm quite illiterate, but I read a lot."

7. "You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phoney stuff in the movies, and nine times out of ten they're mean bastards at heart."

6. "Most girls, if you hold hands with them, their goddamn hand dies on you, or else the think they have to keep moving their hand all the time, as if they were afraid they'd bore you."

5. "In the first place, I'm sort of an atheist. I like Jesus and all, but I don't care too much for most of the other stuff in the Bible. Take the Disciples, for instance. They annoy the hell out of me, if you want to know the truth. They were all right after Jesus was dead and all, but while He was alive, they were about as much use to Him as a hole in the head. All they did was keep letting Him down. I like almost anybody in the Bible better than the Disciples. If you want to know the truth, the guy I like best in the Bible, next to Jesus, was that lunatic and all, that lived in the tombs and kept cutting himself with stones. I like him ten times as much as the Disciples, that poor bastard."

4. “People always think something’s all true."

3. "These intellectual guys don't like to have an intellectual conversation with you unless they're running the whole thing.... He'd always want everybody to go back to their own room and shut up when he was finished being the big shot. The thing he was afraid of, he was afraid somebody'd say something smarter than he had."

2. "I think if you don't really like a girl, you shouldn't horse around with her at all, and if you do like her, then you're supposed to like her face, and if you like her face, you ought to be careful about doing crumby stuff to it."

1. "What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though."

Rest in Peace

J.D. Salinger 1919-2010

VEROflick: Broken Embraces

2010-01-25T13:31:00.000-08:00

I absolutely adored this film.

Don't get turned off by the subtitles (It actually makes this movie better)- I'm telling you- if you have a half a brain and at least one eye, you should love this flick. Amid the plethora of Grade F mainstream films out nowadays, with recycled plots and overexposed actors, this original dark comedy is a refreshing departure with Penélope Cruz, Lluís Homar, and Jose Luis Gomez all giving inspiring performances of life caught in a treacherous love triangle that's delightfully sinister, darkly hilarious and beautifully senusous.

It's an exuburant tragi-comedy, non-cheesy, and beautifully shot. You can take a date, a grandparent or roll solo. VERO-fied sexy.

The UnVERO-fied Item Of The Day

2010-01-21T12:20:00.000-08:00

Maria Sharapova's Busted Peacock Dress

Whoever gave her the idea this negligee was okay to wear to a tennis match needs to take a Slegehammer to the face. She looks like she used her lunch break from fruit vending to run to the park to play with her racket.

I had to google Anna Kournikova to remind myself that women tennis players are occasionally hot. And not Thunder Thigh hot. You know what I mean.

The Plantain and Jesus are Equals.

2010-01-20T22:24:00.000-08:00

I love plantains! They are so exciting! So banana-like but not, so yam-like but not, so chewy, so warm, so phallus shaped, so good! The plantain is a breed of food so special it should only be reserved to satisfy the salivary glands of the Apostles and a few fine food aficionado's, myself foremost included.

I ate at Cafe Havana (VERO-fied restaurant) in SoHo today and my love of plantain's was immediately renewed. All of Whitman's sappiest poetry must've been written while he was in the middle of devouring a perfectly cooked, sweet plantain (with just a bit of Sea Salt) in his pensive state. What I'm trying to say is, if your girlfriend/boyfriend is like me, you cook 'em a fucking plantain and they'll probably be your love slave for the night .

Cardboard Fuckers.

2009-12-20T00:38:00.000-08:00

Putting your life into flimsy, boring FeD EX boxes is a really scary thing to do! One thing is certain- it will make you a less materialistic person- at the very least. As most of you already know, I am moving from L.A. to NYC on Wednesday so it's all very, very last minute, which anyway is the only way I know how to work................Still..................... it's weird.

Like I said on my Twitter-I hate planning to move anywhere. I like my moves abrupt- that's physical, mental- whatever.

Conscious of the fact we are now well into winter, I decided the first thing to go was 99% of all my- mostly Japanese inspired- bright, pastel teen clothes. Right away, that got rid of about 60% of my casual wear. Then I just start treating every article of clothing in my closet like an individual auditioning for American Idol. Destination Manhattan instead of Hollywood. NOTHING was making to cut to NY!! A lot of the potential "keepers" got humiliated and thrown across the room to hit the wall and drop into my Hello Kitty trash can. They were either too flimsy, too sheer, too pink, too 18-year-old, too L.A., too NY, too old, too trendy, too blasé..

I narrowed my necessities down to this short list:

1. "Sentimental's" (photographs, letters, cards, certificates of excellence/achievement)

2. All my writing journals and my laptop

3. My lacuna acoustic guitar

4. My philosophy book collection... with heavy respect to Kierkegaard (I collect all his works, journals, college essays, etc..)

5. My favorite old time children's books including first edition copies of 'Madeline', 'Babar' and 'Ferdinand the bull'

6. My grandmother's brass music box with the gold ballerina

7. My Elliott Smith vinyl's and rare concert proofs

8. My pink wraps, knee pads and boxing gloves

9. A few little knick knacks, shoes, heavy coats, and an minimum amount of clothes.

And I feel like I'm missing something.........Feel more than free to tell me what else I need for NY that I can't get there ;) Night!

VERO-fied Thought of the Day. (With Penis Pictures!)

2009-12-07T21:55:00.000-08:00

If you phallus owners could wish for the perfect flesh-and-blood woman this X-mas season (and no, not something out of "Lars and the Real Girl"), I think I just may have some idea what the overall consensus is.. You know I'm going to take a wild guess anyway that this ideal female prototype is..

1. Absolutely beautiful BUT not too conscious of it (shows some vulnerability)

2. Insatiable in the bedroom BUT not in her closet. (Not too materialistic)

3. Spontaneous BUT consistent. (daytime girl next door, evening seductress)

4. A 'girly-girl' BUT appreciates Sunday Night Football!

5. Intellectually mature BUT is less than shy on the dance floor (book smart and street smart).

6. Compassionate BUT Competitive

7. (Roll the Webbie track..) I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T BUT not to the point of diminishing that Alpha-Male Ego

8. Idiosyncratic BUT not Indecisive

9. Domestic BUT only when it comes to cooking and cleaning. FOXY in all other areas. (Corny I KNOW but it works)

10. So overall... one fucking huge (well, size 2-6) witty, gorgeous, sex-crazed CONTRADICTION.

And I'm not even being cynical! Hell, That's what I'd want. ;-P. This concludes your VERO-fied Thought Of The Day.

Purrrfecting the Catnap.

2009-12-05T17:13:00.000-08:00

It's lazy Saturday afternoon with Los Angeles cunty and cold outside my window, my third pot of Gloria Jean's Hazelnut coffee brewing in my igloo of a kitchen. I'm contemplating whether the despondence of the city is enough for me to stay inside my head today. Ahhhh, but I planned on doing lazy Candlelight Yoga at the gym later to bullshit myself I at least put in some "cardio". (I plan on eating fuckloads of wonderfully delicious Christmas food this holiday season cause homegirl can chow down)

So a catnap sounds about 47 shades of wonderful right now.

(....only I can't sleep at this very second.. so another 30 minutes fixed on the tedious glow of my laptop screen should do the trick...) Without further adieu, Ladies and Gents, I present my...

Recipe For An Orgasmic Catnap!:

1. At least 2 or 3 Superior Goose Down pillows. Saying "Goose Down" makes me laugh. Try it.

2. Hot Earl Grey Tea or Cocoa With Marshmellows

3. SpaPulsh Blanket from Spa Uniforms. Inc. Great Xmas Gift, and the softest damn blanket you'll ever find at only $40. Buy here.

4. Fuzzy socks. Every last one of you should own at least 50 pairs. If not get out your credit card here.

5. Depending on whether your life's glass is half empty or half full, the most ambiguous philosophy book you can find or some good ole "Fox in Socks" by Dr. Seuss should have you snoozin' no time.

..zzzzzz..

Christmas Cheese Makes Me Sick

2009-12-04T15:49:00.000-08:00

So I don't really care for all the Christmas cheer til maybe the 19th or 20th. I get a sinister laugh or 43 out of the whole ordeal. Maybe I just don't want to hear what a stud Rudolph is this early. Who buys this stuff over age 13 anyway? I remember just playing along for all the gingerbread, mint cookies, and hot cocoa after hot cocoa in my Aunt's designated ceramic mug that I was threatened to put to good use.

December 4th is just waaaay too early for bell jinglin'. It's close to impossible for someone like me (who shows symptoms of IED every now and again) to stay in a pensive mood (on the cusp of publishing my first book) with a soulless philharmonic version of "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer" in the background of every Starbucks. (Although, this is one of the less awful ballads, any Mariah Carey or Johnny Mathis Christmas rendition puts me into f#%king assassin mode):

I guess I am just a little peevish to all the pseudo-religious sentiment and engineered devotion by means of Hallmark cards and all. I say, if you're going with the fake sentiment, at least do it with some delicious food. We all want a little instant gratification in the form of Cranberry Bliss Bars now and again!

Don't get me wrong, I love seeing the excitement on all the little kiddie's faces and enjoy taking advantage of the extensive variety of Christmas flavored teas and coffee. And there's nothing like Hunky Santa at the Beverly Center in L.A. or ice-skating at Bryant Park at night in NYC to get into the Xmas spirit.

In Honor of VEROfication's 13 Strictly Satirical Days of Xmas, Here's 5 Things To Take the seriousness away from the craziness of it all:

1. Buy your friend a African American figurine from it'sablackthang.com (you'll feel good about this, believe)

2. Send Jesse Jackson a Kwanzaa Xmas card supporting one of his more controversial actions, for example:

"Merry Christmas/Kwanzaa, Jesse! I just want to extend my support for when you rightfully suggested the White Ranger from TV's 'Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers" embodied the virtues of White Power. Keep PUSHin'! You Go, Jesse!"

(**A friend of mine actually did this and got a thank you note and calendar in return.)

3. Send out mildly offensive E-cards to your friends and family.

4. Stock up on those wonderful pairs of pajamas with the feetsies!!

5. Just get an in-mall Glamour shot with Santa to show your family you DO have holiday spirit. Make sure to make him comfortable!!

Some L.A. Love.

2009-10-29T03:44:00.001-07:00

Ok I was a little overly harsh on L.A. in my earlier post because I had just passed Angelyne on La Cienega and I could see the metallic pink glitter from a mile away... here's a proper L.A. dedication list, just because I heart Alex Santana :)

Things I Love About L.A.

1. Gregarious War Veterans At Coffee Beans in Westwood Village, Picking on those credulous UCLA students!

2. LA Lakers. My favorite sports team forever! Above the Steelers for me! I was born the year Pat Riley made good on his promise of the two-peat in 1988 and have been an adoring fan ever since.

3. Troubadours @ Third Street Promenade

4. Those Wonderfully Massive EGOS we all have

5. Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Because, like, Duhhh.

6. The LA Skyline at night. Or Even Better LANDING at LAX at night. It's one gigantic gorgeous Tron Board

7. Il Cielo on Burton with a date you really like.

8. Bar Marmont. There's a flippin shimmering PEACOCK on the wall! Nuff said.

9. Magic Johnson Movie Theatre- I had to check it out because all the cool kids were!! It is actually in the heart of a square of neighborhood juggernauts that consist of Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Cash 4 Gold, Fatburger AND Louisiana Fried Chicken!!!

10. The Magic Castle! If you ever get invited to see a magic show here, DO IT~

11. Scary movies at Hollywood Forever Cemetery

12. HUNKY SANTA @ the Beverly Center

13. The Halloween Parades in West Hollywood and the Lovely Gentlemen who make it great

14. Equinox @ Sunset Plaza. And grilled chicken pesto paninis next door.

15. Eating Food to Sober Up at 2am while Observing MAC makeup in its melting state in florescent lighting at K24

What I will most miss and reminisce about L.A.

2009-10-28T23:47:00.000-07:00

October will be my last real month in Los Angeles for a while so I can pull a Sarah Jessica and go to my exciting new Manhattan apartment to get real shit done! My thoughts on leaving.....

What I WON'T MISS-

1. The perfect weather. Sometimes sunshine brings out the dim-wittedness in the best of us.

2. The inaccessibility. Getting from A to B during rush hour in LA (which is pretty much every hour there's sunlight) in a very traumatic thing. It’s a nasty daily test on your sanity that I fail consistently by using the emergency lane on the 405.

3. The obscene fascination with celebrity. And how douchey they really are when they are desperately and unsuccessfully flirting with you and your BFFs at Caffé Primo.

4. The mind numbing conversations you are subject during lunchtime. And the embarrassing Top 40 background music that always seems to be playing in ANY public place.

5. The pretense. Overall lack of originality and genuine culture. Most annoying/apparent with clothing. Everyone seems to be a walking billboard for Gucci, Ed Hardy, bebe, Mercedes Benz- whatever. I have nice things too but I would never purchase something to show other folk I’m branded. That’s so cheesy. In fact nothing is really signature to L.A. but the pretense.

But I WILL MISS-

1. The perfect weather. I’m not gonna front. I will be longing for my always 70 and sunny weather come mid December in Manhattan.

2. The caricatures. The hilarious plastic women and men that aren’t aware of their own comedic value. The garish, trout-lipped, puckering women, the shameless Santa Monica blvd strutters, the ostentatious gays, the Hollywood blvd. train wrecks, the Bev hills transplants, etc, etc, etc..I've got enough laughs to last a lifetime.

3. The power of the grand entrance. Nowhere in the world does an attractive girl hold more power just by walking into a room. Everything is about the "seem" in appearances and men just go primitive when captivated by a hot girl. It’s simply fascinating to watch.

4. The Pretty Girl/Guy card. People just give you free shit all the time if you are mildly attractive and fake a smile. It's an unwritten rule in LA.

5-99..Larchmont Village, evenings on Sunset strip, lazy afternoons around West Hollywood, Main street in Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades, Zuma beach in Malibu, Studio City, all the cool Farmer's Markets, Westwood village, the Landmark theatre in West LA, Palos Verdes, Beverly center, Hollywood Bowl picnics with your artsy friends, all cool hotel lounges and dive bars and music venues, my typical hangouts- We’ve had our fun but my love has become platonic! I need to lust over exciting new crevices I find in NYC.

Aww.. this is kinda like my Dear John letter to my hometown!! I love you LA, but it's time for me to see real people now.

The VEROfication of the Day.

2009-10-15T21:32:00.000-07:00

The VEROfication of the day will from here on out be known as my endorsement of any particular product, picture, person, Biblical passage, event, aphorism, adult toy- whatever.

So as my very first VEROfication (drum roll, please...) this better be good. Ahhhhhhh- the pressure!

I'm just gonna go with something I can't go wrong with-

CHUPA CHUPS!

That's right! The most glorious ethnic pops ever made! Now I'm all about the creamy flavors (keep your minds clean, gents)- none of that fruity BS- I'm talking the chocolate vanilla cream, peach yogurt, strawberry yogurt and strawberry cream. THESE are the flavors responsible for mercilessly tickling my salivary glands! These heavenly lollipops were actually created in 1958 by some half-genius who called himself Eric Bernat:

LOOK at him!!!! He's not even Mexican! It is absolutely deceiving. Old Bernat looks like he invented Necco Assorted Wafers over Chupa Chups! Pepaw had me fooled.

Anyways, if you haven't tried these wonderful, mouth-watering pops I suggest you head over to your local Vallarta and pick some up immediately. Andale!

Your Airport Survival Guide

2009-10-15T10:27:00.001-07:00

How To Make A Domestic Flight At LAX Without Checking In When Your Plane Leaves In Under An Hour AND You Need To Check Bags

I have done this at least 30 times. Undefeated.

1. (Assuming you don't have any type of Elite Status)..Speedy Gonzalez yourself from the taxi to either the self check-in kiosk or the first class line. (Even if you aren't flying first class just do it) and after dropping a cheap compliment to the attendant, explain once they begin looking you up that your flight leaves in 45 followed immediately by another such compliment. If it's the opposite sex, flirt HEAVILY. Work it.

2. Security. This can be tricky. You have to quickly read the situation for what it is and for god's sake-- DON'T PLAY IT SAFE! You will miss your flight- guaranteed. You have to be savage. This is a lot easier if you are a girl, I know, but just run with it. If there's a long security line because for some reason you don't have Priority Access, run up to the person checking ID and tell them you are requesting a private search immediately because your wallet has been stolen. This way you get concierge-like assistance which will speed you straight through as well as the sympathy factor. They have to do it. Domestic flights still don't require I.D., just a very extensive search. When in doubt, cut everybody in line. Just do it. If you do it fast enough, they won't even know. Your time is valuable. Do Not WEIGH whether or not it's a good idea. A BAD idea would be missing your flight for some granny you didn't wanna slide by, and because... what?? You respected her too much? CUT, CUT, CUT, shank if you have to!

3. Now If you are REALLY short on time (say, 15 minutes to departure and say- hypothetically- you still need to make a trip to Starbucks) go to the nearest gate and tell the attendant that you need them to call over to your gate to confirm that you are running over at the speed of light and not to leave you. Grab your Coffee Frappuccino Light with 4 pumps sugar-free hazelnut, 2 sweet n lows, 1 scoop protein from Starbucks and mosey onto that plane like a champion.

Since I spend a majority of my time at domestic airports I have decided to compile a short list of the top five best and worst places to get stuck:

(NOTE- I am not talking city-wise, just airport wise. As in, your flight has been delayed 3 hours and you're stuck. Large bias on the number Starbucks within short walking distance, decent restaurants where the food consists of little or no trans fat, SkyLinks, clean restrooms, etc..)
BEST.
1. Detroit- I KNOW! who would have guessed?! I was overnighted here aganist my will and I really half expected to be shot once I walked through the gate. That or at least see Eminem's 8 mile entourage smoking out the Family Restroom. But no. It was so modern and impeccably clean. The walls in the main concourse were even blinged out. It was as if Diddy designed an airport.
2. Dallas/Fort Worth- Humongous as hell. Speedy check ins, modern interior, nice people who actually are concerned about helping you out. Lots of sports bars, lots of shameless Cowboys fans.
3. Pittsburgh International- Awesome mall area, never anyone in security line, gates all together, lots of good food plus entire store dedicated to every kind of sock imaginable. Everyone, and i mean EVERYONE (from the folks behind the counter at Charly's Subs to the infant being changed in the bathroom) is in their Steelers best..
4. O'Hare- Sooooo much coffee and healthy food options. Custom paninis and junk. Good stuff.
5. Any private airport. Keurig coffee machines, sweet lounges, fun folk, lot's of ass kissing your way.

WORST
1. Phoenix- The worst piece of shit excuse for an airport I've ever seen in my life. They have one Burger King and like an Outback-Hick-Refried-To Go kind of establishment. Absolutely. No. Class.
2. JFK- Too many "what if" situations due to consistently bad weather and delays. An unimpressive clusterfuck. Too much Duty Free crap as well.
3. Miami- There's always a 99% chance if you check a bag it will be damaged or covered in mud slush from being manhandled on some of the filthiest luggage crates you've ever seen.
4. LAX- If it weren't for all the See's Candies kiosks and Starbucks I'd be a lot more pissed with LAX. I've learned to get away with murder here so it gets a bit of a pass.
5. Fort Wayne "International"- Good luck if you get stuck here. Luxuries include one vending machine stocked entirely of Grandma's Cookies and Honey Buns and male security guards fresh from their morning Dole produce trucking job offering you a banana for "making it" by. Creepy.

Rain waltz

2009-10-14T21:10:00.000-07:00

I went for a walk in the rain. Only it was more of a waltz. (I have this pep-skip thing in my walk from my cheerleading days.) Rainy days are special in Los Angeles because everyone freaks out and the streets become deserted and if you are outside skipping around with a Victorian looking pink umbrella, Paul Frank PJs, flip flops, and a Butterscotch See's lollipop- you may appropriately be labeled a nutcase. I tested my balance sprinting down the slippery sidewalk curbs mirroring Shawn Johnson on the balance beam, only 100 times less graceful. Eventually, I slipped and fell on my ass. That's why I never became a ballerina or gymnast or anything like that I suddenly remembered. That fucking grace factor.

Anywhoo, I only took my Huck Finn adventures 4 blocks away from my apartment. Still, I felt like a tested gangster. Some man with his 7 year old daughter in the passenger seat offered me a ride home about half way back. I said "No, thank you". He made a right turn up ahead and 2 minutes later this human is pulling up behind me again. Can't a girl take a fucking walk in the rain anymore? Why is that weird? People in general get so offended by any behavior at odds with their own. It's retarded.

"Sweetheart, let me give you a ride. You will get wet!"
"God forbid!"
"Just get in my car. I'm taking you home."
(Reaching in my purse for the mase attached to my keychain)
"Leave. Now."
After yelling some obscenity, he speeds off.

People are so weird like that to me. I guess I look young. I know I don't help the situation sporting pigtails and pastel colors and on average looking about 17 in the day time. Yeah, I ask for it... a little. But boy, do I see some true Olympic level Creepers. It is amaaazzzing....

NOW FOR COFFEE

Calling Captain Obvious, I'm starting a blog!

2009-10-14T18:25:00.001-07:00

Do to (semi) popular demand (!) I have decided to start a blog. Hell, sometimes I have a lot to say. We'll see how this goes. I have a little extra time to write when I'm not writing, that is- going through revision after revision of my book- so I might just invest a little time fooling around with this thing. There you have it. My closed-ended invitation inside my head. That's a scary, scary thought.